i have no goal today besides to please my followers. considering i have 28 followers now, tis a lofty goal.
for the thanksgiving holiday, i ventured down interstate 81 to my hometown- gate city, virginia. the speedlimit had been increased from 65 to 70. i left like i was flying through space like a regular jane jetson.
this blog goes out to the 2,159 citizens of gate city, virginia. for the rest of you, this blog will be completely meaningless and mildly entertaining at best. kind of like life.
you know you're from gate city if...
1. the six words "hey gang, fight song, first block" make your heart sink to your stomach because you know that the pep rally is coming to an end shortly and that means that you are going to have to deal with walking back to class with the seniors running through the halls pounding on the lockers. but if it's the homecoming pep rally, you are probably relieved to hear those six words because it means that you have been in the un-airconditioned high school gym for 6 hours watching various people attempt the worm.
2. this sight is more familiar to you than your exboyfriend's facebook profile. you know whether or not all of your closest friends will order a "sweet tea" or a "sweet tea, no lemon" or "frenchie fries" or, heaven-forbid, a "chipped-ham". the taste of those frenchie fries represent the taste of a carefree, football-consumed, youth.
3. you remember the days when "cruisin" was all the rage. every friday and saturday night, teenagers from all over southwest virginia and northeast tennessee came to gate city and waited in bumper to bumper traffic on kane street to reach the elusive flea market parking lot. i blame the internet for the death of this. if you were lucking enough to be cruisin' in 1998-1999ish, you probably remember a '91 subaru legacy driving through town over and over again with a 45 year old woman at the wheel and two eight graders ducked down in the back seat so that no one would see them. for the purposes of this blog, we will call this woman "mom."
4. the word "petey" means only one thing to you. it is the name of the 50 year old man that has his dad drop him off every morning so that he can walk the streets of gate city. (i actually have no idea how old he is- i am guessing that the only way that could be determined is to study his fossils after the passes...knock on wood). he wears a cowboy outfit and frequents long john silvers. i think he is still stuck in the era of free crunchies. but aren't we all?
5. you know that there is a storied rivalry between weber city elementary school and shoemaker elementary school. and you also know that it is pretty clear that weber city won the rivalry when it added the tennis courts and the sand volleyball court to the playground, while shoemaker was left to conduct recess on its big concrete slab. as a side note, you know that you went to weber city elementary school if you know that it is a death sentence to step foot on said sand volleyball court.
6. you have always wondered who "steph and andy" are, as in "steph and andy's pizza plus". but you never activiely do anything to learn who they are even though you probably eat pizza plus four times a week at various pizza parties, concession stands, church lock-ins or, if you are my parents, valentine's day dates.
7. you realize that "new food city" will always be "new food city" no matter how long it is there. you also realize that the parking lot where the old food city was will always be known as the "old food city parking lot" and there will always be at least three people gathered there around the clock. and you know that no other business will ever go into the old food city, even though it has been closed for a decade. but people will always say "i heard they may be putting a bowling alley into the old food city."
if you look closely, you will probably see my dad carrying out 12 cases of canned green beans.
8. you know that prime locker real estate is at the intersection of the long hall and the short hall. you always know what it means to "sit in the hall before prayer" because you did it every morning from 8:00-8:10, not because the phrase is self-explanatory.
9. every major "first" in your life occurred in the fort henry mall- your first job (kirklands, victoria's secret, j.c. penneys), your first night out with your girlfriends (walking laps around the mall and pretending to smell things in bath and body works), your first date (garfields and a movie), your first kiss (typically in the special love seats in the movie theatre), and sometimes conceiving your first born child (the parking lot). that mall may seem classy by day, but it turns into a preyground at night.
10. you have said to a friend or family member, "i wonder how much their electric bill is", when driving by the house with all of the christmas lights at the beginning of wadlow gap road. and everytime they respond "i can't imagine". then you shake your heads and don't say anything until you cross back into virginia.
favorite thing of the day: all of the above
